5 Reasons You Try To Fit In — When You Need to Stand Out!
Why fit in when you were born to stand out? — Dr. Seuss
OK, quiet achievers and under-stated types — listen up! In an ever-competitive, socially-on-steroids, noisy world, it’s more important than ever to not just blend in with the crowd.
The world does not benefit from you, hiding your greatness.
Who are some of the most successful people you know? I bet your bottom dollar they Don’t. Blend. In. Lady Gaga? Amy Schumer? Lena Dunham? Kanye West? Mark Zuckerberg? Amy and Mark are also self-proclaimed introverts, so this isn’t a distinction between introverts versus extroverts.
We all need to have this conversation about owning who you are. From time to time. We can be boldly moving forward feeling our sense of power and then bang a change in life happens and our caveman programmed behaviors say “get back in the middle of the pack” “avoid being seen” “there is danger in being noticed”. My question is Hows that working for you? How is trying to fit in the middle working for you achieving your dreams and create the life you desire?
So why do we try and fit in when we know we need to stand up and out?
Here are six potential reasons that you may not be standing out and a few hints on what to do about it:
1. You haven’t identified your own values.
Do you blend in because you don’t know exactly what you stand for? A great clue in identifying your values is understanding who you admire and look up to. What do they have in common? More than likely they are all strong-willed, they all have unique voices, and they are all leaders in their field and fervently support causes that they believe in. Brainstorm who inspires you and connect the dots — it’s easier than you think!
2. You play it safe.
Say you do know who you are, but you’re afraid to show it. Why? It’s easier to stay hidden. Our ego might allow us to believe that we’re humble or modest (even shy — a term that should be reserved for children under 10), but the truth is we don’t want to open ourselves up to criticism. Aristotle said that the only way to avoid criticism is “to say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.” That is no way to live! How is playing it safe working for you, really?
3. You like to fit in.
The term “upward convergence” means that you tend to mirror the accent, dialect, and style of the group you are in. Naturally, we use different language with our kids than we do with our colleagues and speak more informally to an old college friend than a new acquaintance. But this standard code-switching should not be confused with someone who has a desire to fit in on a larger scale.
Upward convergence shows intelligence and warmth and is often associated with successful people, but being agreeable just to avoid ruffling feathers on a more significant level can work against you. If you refuse to voice your opinion, avoid providing feedback at work, and won’t share your brilliant ideas, how will anyone know your worth?
4. You don’t take risks.
As the old saying goes, “No risk, no reward.” What risks are you afraid to take because fitting in is simpler? This can be anything from major goals you are scared to tackle to minor decisions that can get in the way of your happiness. I guy with who was known as an On-Line Prophet. He traveled the world interviewing online entrepreneurs. He asked bold, unexpected questions and had funky hair, wild cloths, and a truly unique edge. Everyone knew his name. His individuality was the basis of his entire career.
5. You don’t speak up.
Many of my introverted clients fail to speak up at work because it’s simply not in their nature to attract attention to themselves. I understand; I’m a self-taught extrovert, and I still fear speaking up, introducing myself to people, and making my opinion heard (I’m often plagued by the thought, “Will they think my idea is stupid?”). And that’s OK.
In life, we need to push ourselves a little. We’re here to expand and grow, after all. The potential advantage is often way greater than the disadvantages that we build up in our minds too.
6. You fear to outshine others.
This is a common fear people have. We don’t want to outshine a friend, a sibling, or our spouse. But that line of thinking doesn’t benefit anyone — not even the person you are trying to protect.
The world does not benefit from you hiding your greatness. Allow that sparkle to shine, baby! What are you waiting for? When you shine your inner light, you secretly inspire others to do the same too. Consider this: It’s the end of your life. You are an 85-year-old in a rocking chair. If you spent your life just blending in, not showing the world what’s truly inside of you, will you be proud of a tombstone that reads, “Here lies Frank? He never bothered anyone, I guess?”
So, how are you ready to stand out are you ready to live your life of success?
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