A Few Great Questions, For Those Holiday, Get-Togethers.
Why not ask more than just “how about those Buffalo Bills this year?”
The Holidays are HERE (!!) and that means you will probably have to endure some awkward family dinners with folks you haven’t seen in a while. We’ve all been there (it’s normal, promise) and luckily there are ways to survive these grueling dinners and even make them fun and maybe learn something new about a few of family members.
Let's be honest, one reason we gather is to celebrate our history and diversity as a family or community of people. Somehow in all the crazy hustle and bustle and trying to make everything perfect we miss out on the most important part of being together; learning and growing for each other journey of success. Take time to ask Great Questions to LEAN in and Listen. Time passes quickly and wouldnt you hate to miss the opportunity to hear the ansewer to a few of these questions. Sadly I never got to ask my grandparents these things.
1. WHAT IS THE GREATEST LESSON YOU’VE EVER LEARNED?
When you ask this question, you discover where they’ve been. John says, “You don’t really understand people until you hear their life story. If you know their stories, you grasp their history, their hurts, their hopes and aspirations. You put yourself in their shoes. And just by virtue of listening and remembering what’s important to them, you communicate that you care and desire to add value.”
Ask for their greatest lesson, and it might inform yours.
2. WHAT ARE YOU LEARNING NOW?
Good leaders will always be learning something, and they are probably more than willing to share it with you. They understand that learning doesn’t have to happen in a vacuum and the more people they bring into their learning process the more they can take away. John puts it this way, “Good ideas must be shared, improved upon with the help of other good thinkers, and then they must be implemented and acted upon.”
Ask what they’re learning and you might learn something in the process.
3. HOW HAS FAILURE SHAPED YOUR LIFE?
Leaders welcome failure and they take great care to evaluate and overcome their failures. A failure is an opportunity to gain something valuable from life, to pick up something that will inform future success. John says, “Successful people have learned to do what does not come naturally. Nothing worth achieving comes easily. The only way to fail forward and achieve your dreams is to cultivate tenacity and persistence.”
When you ask this question, be prepared to listen not only for their faults and shortcomings that produced failure, but how their failure transformed them in their leadership.
4. WHO DO YOU KNOW THAT I SHOULD KNOW?
This might feel like a strange question to ask outright, but if you have a solid relationship with an individual, then they will gladly connect you to people who can teach you, guide you and partner with you.
“There are no problems we cannot solve together, and very few that we can solve by ourselves.” ~Lyndon B. Johnson
It will take humility on your part to ask, but asking this question will help you find and connect to the people you need in your inner circle.
5. WHAT HAVE YOU READ THAT I SHOULD READ?
The people you learn from are more than likely learning from others and gathering information from worthy places. Ask them what they’re reading and what they can recommend to you in the area you’re looking to grow in. Henry Miller considered the power of reading like this, “A book lying idle on a shelf is wasted ammunition. Like money, books must be kept in constant circulation… A book is not only a friend, it makes friends for you. When you have possessed a book with mind and spirit, you are enriched. But when you pass it on you are enriched threefold.”
Don’t just ask questions, ask about the sources of your leader’s inspiration. Read some of the things they’ve read and keep your reading circulating among your peers to multiply the influence of great books.
6. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THAT I SHOULD DO?
John C. Maxwell says, “Experience is not the best teacher; evaluated experience is.” When you ask someone ahead of you in life this question, you’re looking for things like the opportunities they took, the decisions they made and the goals they set that helped them succeed. When you ask this question you learn the habits and perspective of the people you admire, and give yourself the opportunity to work smarter and make decisions that will help you accelerate in your leadership.
7. HOW CAN I ADD VALUE TO YOU?
John Wooden often said, “Don’t tell me what you’re going to do — show me.” It’s great to think ahead and look around for ways to add value to others, but nothing beats actually doing something for another person. In public or in private, in small ways or large, taking action to add value to someone else is a wonderful expression of your gratitude.
Add value to the person to whom you look for answers and they will in turn add incredible value to you with their time, wisdom and great answers to your greatest questions.
