Are You at Cause or Effect in Your Success?
Most people think they’re in charge maybe or maybe not how will you know.
Most of us like to think of ourselves as drivers in our lives and our success. We want to be the sole cause of everything seen and unseen in our lives. We want to make amazing things happen. We want to live the life of our dreams, be the change and have a positive impact and when it doesn't happen we feel free to blame the world.
Sometimes we can find ourselves stuck, spinning our wheels and feeling like no matter how hard we push, we end up back at the start. After a while that pushing becomes exhausting. We start to wonder if we’re ever going to get it together. If we will ever have that moment others talk about. We end up in a cycle of self-judgment and criticism until we bounce back and start the cycle of pushing forward again. Fueled by hope and desperation and self-judgment.
This was my pattern of self-sabotage. A part of me thought I was in charge and I was living my life on my terms. A big part of me believed the only way was going to get ahead and be truly happy was to push myself harder. I was driven by that internal voice of self-criticism and an outdated mantra of just grit-up and move forward. If things were hard I’d hear my mothers voice in my head saying, “If at first, you don’t succeed try, try, try again.” Invariably I’d reach a point where pushing harder didn’t work, I’d feel overwhelmed with emotions and self-denial that I had I’d stuffed down and suddenly I’d find myself exploding. That would push the cycle off again because the explosion would be with people I loved and felt safe with and then I’d feel awful and beat myself up, going over and over why I lost my temper and how I shouldn’t have. I’d make that worse by then comparing myself to others around me who always appeared perfectly in control of their success journey.
It was this cycle that was causing issues in my business and life. Personally, it squeezed the joy out of things and in work, it was creating an on/off cycle in my ability to show up, be seen and promote myself and grow.
Like most entrepreneurs, I kept trying to deal with the symptoms and not the cause. I would read more self-help books, I hired coaches, I bought business building courses but whilst they helped me with the activity side of things, I still didn’t get to the heart of the self-sabotage win than lose it all cycle.
Who would have thought it was little wounded Eric G Reid that was causing the issues? I was at effect. My unconscious belief that I would never be good enough was still holding back my potential. A big part of my energy was trapped in this self-sabotaging pattern. I thought I was the driver of my own bus, I’d put the accelerator on full speed ahead but unconsciously I’d also put the break on. Everything I was doing external signaled I wanted success but everything internally was telling me I was not worthy of it.
Realizing this and finally getting hold of this pattern is what’s helping me soothe my self-destructive inner demon. That part of me that often feels unheard, unneeded, unworthy and rebels against being told what to do. That temper tantrum of self-destruction had become a pattern that had to end.
Instead of stuffing down my emotions I’ve had to learn to be with them and then express them in a healthy way. I’m don't allowing myself to be inauthentic in the old way — I don’t slap on a smile and tell you what you want to hear just to appear perfect and in control. I’ve got much better at identifying my ego and my own resistance to growth and feedback. I am learning how to make my opinion of myself and my worthiness the one that counts and have stopped giving my power away and value to those that can't see it and honor it.
It’s a practice. Something I work daily on. This new awareness gives me the freedom of choice and freedom to failure I didn’t have before. And what I love most is that as I share my journey I find others who understand it on a personal level. I am discovering we are caught in our own self-sabotaging pattern.
I invite them to jump into my practice and ignite your life with compassion and worthiness.
If you feel overwhelmed and out of control and you feel like you wake up with a list, and always feel there must be more than this and are sick of that feeling that your just one of the lucky ones, try this.
- Write out all the symptomatic evidence you have about your life and business that spark a desire for change e.g. don’t feel as happy as you think you should be, doing a job you hate but can’t let go, not able to promote yourself at work, can’t assert your opinion, etc.
- Ask yourself what is my unspoken belief? e.g. I had a strong belief that I would never be as good as my sisters. I was wrong or stupid. I never felt I fitted in I was not enough to fix it all or I was to blame for all that was broken in our childhood home and in life in general. As I started seeing that I was playing out those unspoken beliefs and sabotaging my adult life I started to do the bigger deeper to do the inner work to heal that pattern and take charge of those false beliefs.
When we realize we are being run by an unconscious, unspoken, outdated operating system of beliefs, we get the opportunity to invest and upgrade in a new one. When we get to heal the old wounds and reclaim our life and let our real self shine through. We get to be the cause not effect. Are you ready from reacting to taking action, moving from unintentional to intentional thinking?
Success Coach
I’m inspired by who you can be without apology and I want to help understand that you are worthy of dreams and desires. I’ve been a coach for over 15 years. I’ve always been a seeker building a better me and helping others see the better themselves and learning to live in a way of living a life that feels soulful, authentic and aligned to what their heart and passion I have spent 30+ years working with families and kids in crisis and the last 20+ years also helping individuals and teams grow business built with around not just profit but purpose. My biggest shift occurred 10 years ago when my kids arrived in our lives. I saw the way I was working wasn’t working anymore. I couldn’t keep pushing myself harder. I had to accept I couldn’t attain this perfected version of myself that I had strived most of my life to achieve. I had to find love not from accolades and other people’s acceptance. I had to learn to love myself from deep inside me so that I could teach my kids how to see their worthiness. When I learned to connect to my heart, heal my negative beliefs and wounds and fears of never being enough and discovered what living a life of success was truly about. I want the same thing for my clients as I want for my kids. For them to Be real, Be themselves, fall madly in love with that person they are and feel free to and honor their passion and purpose from a place of worthiness.
