Are You the Lighthouse or a Tugboat?
In all of our dealings with other people. There are a lot of different, uh, different ways that we all interact with each other. You’ve certainly experienced ways that people talk to you that, um, sometimes makes you feel good. Sometimes it doesn’t make you feel good. And I’ve observed that in this whole wide world and all these different ways that we can connect with other people. There are two modes of communication. There are two styles in which people generally interact with each other. Or two ways I often hear people express their purpose in life.
I call these the lighthouse versus the tugboat. And I don’t believe that any one of these is right or wrong, but I’ll share them with you and see how it sounds for you. First, we have a tugboat. And what does the tugboat do? The tugboats job is to go out into the Harbor, grab a ship, hook onto it, and pull it back into the dock and then go out and do it again. Sometimes it takes several tugboats to get that ship safely into the harbor. All the while needed to be in direct communication with the captain of that one ship.
So basically the tugboat operates and does its job by force and by strength and with a lot of power. You can probably think of some people in your life, maybe even yourself at times when you’ve operated the same way. In order to get someone to do something else, we forced them. We convinced them, we manipulate, we prove through these statistics, this is what they should do. Think about it. How does it feel when somebody is doing that for you? You know when you’re kind of going down your own path, you’re not asking for help, but somebody comes along and says, I have just the thing that’s like the five-word battle, cry tugboat. I have just the thing, and I don’t know how you feel, but if anybody ever tries to give me advice and they’re not particularly qualified and I’m not really asking for it, then you kind of wonder, is that person just talking to hear themselves talk? Are they seeing me or selling to me?
On the other end of the communications/ purpose statement spectrum, you have this lighthouse approach and what does the lighthouse do? Well, it’s got the same job as the tugboat to bring the ship from the Harbor into the dock safely. But with the lighthouse does, it’s very different than the tugboat. The lighthouse just hangs out and the lighthouse just stays in one spot, doesn’t move, and just illuminates. The lighthouse illuminates the entire landscape, both the rocks and the Harbor and the dock. The lighthouse recognizes that every ship has a captain and every captain has the free will to decide where the ship is going to go. So the lighthouse, his only job is to illuminate the rocks, to eliminate the dock, the Harbor, and then the ship’s going to do what the ship is gonna do.
The lighthouse doesn’t detach itself and jump out into the water and try and rescue the boat because that would sacrifice all of the other ships that are counting on the lighthouse to be solid and to illuminate the lighthouse only has one job stand there and shine. And I think as human beings, as individuals, we have this same sort of choice. We can operate as a tugboat, which means convincing people, influencing people, motivating people, threatening people, forcing people, educating people we can make ourselves do all those things so that those people or that person does what we want them to do and that’s a tugboat way to operate. This happens in personal friendships, relationships. This is what happens in business. It happens in marketing, convincing and getting people to do what we think they should do.
I found it to be far more efficient, far more effective, and a lot more fun to take the lighthouse approach. Nothing to hide, nothing to prove. Being authentically, powerfully, clearly yourself. If there’s something that you want to motivate other people to do, the best motivation is a clear example. You know, if other people aren’t asking for your help and you’re offering your help, you can just hear that little sound in the back of your head of the tugboat... I have just the thing. Instead, just see what happens. Sit back. Illuminate the entire landscape. You can ask questions, you can engage, you can just let people have their experience. The thing is don’t focus on doing focus on the being.
I think you’ll find being the lighthouse is a much stronger connection with other people. Because I think the greatest compliment that anybody can give is if they say, you know, when I’m around you, I feel like I can just be myself. That’s an incredible freedom to extend to other people. The freedom to have their own experience. The feeling to have them discover their own greatness and their own power. And the greatest gift is the gift of your own wellbeing. You can only help people to the degree that they’re willing and ready to be helped.
Just be yourself. Appreciate others being themselves and see what happens. If you try life as a lighthouse.
